Kwentong Taxi: Seks

Wednesday, November 26, 2008

(English Translation: Taxi Story: Sex)

I had a funny experience about the Taxi (or Cab) that I rode last night that I thought it's worth blogging about.

I usually ride the bus home, but since I'm sick, and too lazy to walk all the way from MRT Station Ayala to Park Square just to ride a jeepney again, so I decided to ride a cab home. So there I was in front of the building where I work waiting for a cab to stop, and a cab did stop after a few minutes of waiting. I was peeking at the cab because I thought it was another person's service. And then, I decided to ride it. Inside the cab...

(I also provided English Translations of the conversations below the post, for my friends who can't understand Tagalog.)

Driver: Akala ko, pinipili mo kung gwapo ba o hindi yung driver bago ka sumakay.

Euri: Hindi naman po. Akala ko po service kayo eh.

Driver: Ah ganun ba? Meron kasi diyang iba, namimili eh. Tinitignan muna nila kung gwapo ba iyong driver o panget. Hindi nila alam, yung mga gwapong driver na ganun, tinira na ng mga bading yun.

Euri: Haha! Bat niyo po alam? (Tinira ka na siguro ng badaf.)

Driver: Meron kasi akong pasaherong ganyan dati. Silahis din. Pinaakyat niya ako sabi niya, "Paki tulungan mo naman ako sa taas. Hindi ko kayang buhatin, mabigat." Tapos umakyat naman ako. Tapos, pag akyat ko, binababa na yung pantalon ko.

Euri: Wahaha! Ang bilis po eh no? ("Silahis din?" Hmm...!! Ayy!! Mukhang korek akish, ka-federasyon din va?)

Driver: Tinatanggal na yung sinturon ko eh. Dalidali, takbo kagad ako.

Euri: Wahaha! (Tsk! Wag nang maghugas ng kamay at ikay, vuking na!)

Driver: Tapos meron naman akong naisakay na mga babae dito sa Forbes (the cab went past Forbes - just in case you guys don't know, Forbes is a place where tons of rich people live). Ang sesexy. Bihis na bishis. Tapos kinalabit ako nung isang babae. Sabi sakin, "Kuya, may kilala po ba kayong 'gusto?' 5,000 lang." Tapos ang sabi ko, "Akala ko naman disente kayo. Tapos tiglilimang-libo lang pala kayo." Tapos binigyan ko sila, hinaplos-halpos ako nung isa, nagpapasalamat.

Euri: Haha! Magaganda po ba?

Driver: Aba, oo naman! Mapuputi pa.

Euri: Hindi po ba yung mga foreigner, mas gusto nila yung mga.. uhm.. maiitim?

Driver: Mga panget?

Euri: Hindi naman po panget. Exotic naman po. Morena?

Driver: Ah, oo. Kasi yung mga ganun, halimbawang mga ita ano, masasarap yung mga yun. Mababango sila. Umaapaw ang ligaya! Napaka sarap! Langit na langit talaga ang pakiramdam kapag natikman mo na sila. Talagang hinding hindi ka magsisisi. Wala silang katulad. Pagsisilbihan ka pa. Hihiga ka na lang at sila na gagalaw. Kahit ano pa gawin mo sa kanila, kung anu-ano pang disenyo.Nakadapa o ano pa man.

Euri: Ganun po ba yun?

Driver: Oo! Sinasabi ko sayo, hindi ka magsisisi!

Euri: Haha!

Driver: Tapos nung minsan naman, 19 years old. Hindi pa raw nakatikim. Sinampolan ko nga. Naghotel kami ng 2 oras.

Euri: San niyo naman po pinick-up?

Driver: Dito. Sakay ko.

Euri: Ah, pasahero niyo po.

Driver: Oo. Mag-aaply daw siya ng trabaho dito sa Makati, sa may BPI. Katapos eh nag hotel kami...

Euri: ... (Honestly, I'm starting to get bored. Heterosexual relationships in story mode is boring. Reading ecchi manga is even more interesting than this. -.-)

[Insert detailed sex story here - I can't remember them, since I'm not listening to them anymore.]

Euri: Taga san po kayo? (Obviously changing the topic.)

Driver: Taga Pangasisnan ako.

Euri: Ah. San naman po kayo sa Pangasinan?

Driver: [Insert location here].

Euri: San po yon?

Driver: Malapit sa Dagupan.

Euri: Ah...

Then, the driver was telling stories again about how active and exciting his sex life is which I am not in least bit interested. When we're about a few blocks away from where I'll be getting off, he started saying how good he is in bed on which, came off to me as some futile attempt of selling himself to me. When I got off, he gave me his number and told me if I needed one, I could give him a call.

So for those who are interested of having a wild ride with Mr. Cab Driver with your sex stories being told in each and every passenger he gets, here's his mobile number: 09196889941

Mr. Cab Driver should thank me for advertising his sideline business of being a call boy.


English Translations for the conversations above:

Driver: I thought you were trying to pick if the driver is handsome or not before you ride.

Euri: Not really, I thought you were someone's service.

Driver: Oh. There are other passengers like that looks at the driver first if he's handsome or not. They just don't know that those kind of drivers were already banged by gays.

Euri: Haha! How do you know? (Perhaps you were done by a gay?)

Driver: I once had a passenger like that. He's also bisexual. He asked me to go up to his place and said, "Can you help me carry my stuff. I can't carry them, they're heavy." So I went up. Then, when I went up, he was pulling my pants down.

Euri: Wahahaha! He's quick, no? ("He's also bisexual?" Hmm..!! Does that mean you are gay too? And was I right after all?)

Driver: He was removing my belt. I ran shit scared.

Euri: Wahaha! (Tsk! Don't try to deny it anymore! You're gay, your gay!)

Driver: Then, one time, I had female passengers here in Forbes (the cab went past Forbes - just in case you guys don't know, Forbes is a place where tons of rich people live). They were gorgeous and very. They wear classy clothes. Then one of them, asked me, "Do you know anyone who 'wants' to? Only 5,000." Then I answered them, "I thought you were decent people and you're just only for five thousand pesos." Then I gave them clients, the other one touched me all over as thanks.

Euri: Hindi po ba yung mga foreigner, mas gusto nila yung mga.. uhm.. maiitim?

Driver: Oh, yes! They are really pretty. And they have nice complexion too.

Euri: Isn't it that most foreigners prefers those with darker skin tones?

Driver: Ugly people?

Euri: Not ugly. Exotic ones. Morena?

Driver: Ah, yes. Because those types are delicious. They have beautiful scent. It feels like heaven when you do it with them. They're very very delicious. You will never regret it. They're one of a kind. They'll even serve you. All you need is lie there and they'll do everything. You can do anything you want with them. No matter what style.

Euri: Really?

Driver: Yeah. I'm telling you! You don't regret it!

Euri: Haha!

Driver: Then there was one time, I had a girl. She was 19 years old. She said she never tried it before. So I sampled her. We checked-in for 2 hours.

Euri: Where did you pick her up?

Driver: Here. She's my passenger.

Euri: Ah, a passenger.

Driver: Yeah. She was applying for a job in BPI (a bank) here in Makati. Then after, we went to a hotel.

Euri: ... (Honestly, I'm starting to get bored. Heterosexual relationships in story mode is boring. Reading ecchi manga is even more interesting than this. -.-)

[Insert detailed sex story here - I can't remember them, since I'm not listening to them anymore.]

Euri: Where's your hometown? (Obviously changing the topic.)

Driver: I'm from Pangasisnan (a province).

Euri: Ah. Where in Pangasinan?

Driver: [Insert location here].

Euri: Where's that??

Driver: It's near Dagupan (a city in Pangasinan).

Euri: Ah...


  1. I never heard of a taxi driver slash call boy before. WTF. O_O


  2. The [Deranged] Writer,
    Matindi na pangangailangan ni manong. Handang-handa na siyang ibenta ang kanyang puri kapalit ng salapi ng wlang pag-aatubili! XDXD

  3. sa hirap ng buhay ba naman, wais c bosing drayber. xP

  4. wapbamm,
    Two birds with one stone ba? Wahaha!

  5. I've been back and forth to Dagupan and nearby town...ewan ko..marami talagang mejo... alam mo na. Natakot ka ba nung kinuwento niya 'yun'?

    kaya ayaw ko talagang nakikipag-conversation sa mga PUV drivers...except kung kailangan.

    Sana kasi may babaeng taxi

  6. wahahaha ang tindi ni Manong Driver......(sa dami dami ng pwedeng pagkwentuhan kay euri pa!) *grin*

  7. @Euri, type ka nya. Hahahaha. Buti na lang H2G ka. ^__^

  8. Kris,
    Kasi Dagupan and places in Pangasisnan are close to the 'bario' type life. Wala silang ibang libangan dun aside from cough seks cough. Hindi naman ako natakot sa mama. Naaliw ako sa kanya nung una. Tapos nung tumagal na. Naiirita na ako, kasi wala ng ibang topic. You don't usually tell people stories about what you do in bed (and so detailed too), Especially to strangers. It's just unethical.

    Oo naman noh! Not all chicks would want to fuck with him. I'm not that cheap para pumatol sa taxi driver for a quick fuck. Yuck kaya. =P

    Hindi ako H2G, hindi ko lang siya type. Even if he stripped in front of me, I wouldn't even get aroused. He's not even at the category of "hot." Gackt's mere hair is sexier than his entire being. LOL! At di effective yung style niya of picking up chicks. I can pick-up chicks better than that. ;)

  9. lakas sales talk ni manong ahaha.. jeepney driver kaya may ganun?habang maraming nakasakay LOL..

  10. Goth! I already hate it when strangers dare talking to me, taxi drivers included, so hearing about their pathetic boring little sex life that would have probably pushed me to leave the cab with a nice and definitive "showing the fangs" smile (and no tip, dude... lol).
    You are very patient really Milady...

    Yet you did well advertising, this guy's bored, he needs money and got no shame nor self respect, so be it...
    Best of luck to him :o)

  11. really? gomen *_* i live along Makati City.. :) and i often ride taxi @ glorietta. grabe naman yung driver na yun.. tsktsk.. naninindig balahibo ko sa blog mo sis.. :l kung ako napasakay sa taxi na yun, nako.. nasa news na kami nayun.. pwahaha xDD baka duguan na sya saken..

  12. nice! hehehe, free advertisement! hehehe, di pa ko nakakasakay sa taxi na yan ah.. hehehe,

  13. Dude, that conversation was waaaaay too candid. If a taxi driver did that in the U.S., the passenger would probably call the cops on him. Anyway, that was sort of funny. In a weird way.

  14. hahaha!!! this entry beats all.... grabeh naman. I found this story funny but if I were in your shoes, I'd be a little freaked out of that driver.

    Well, good luck nalang sakanyah.

  15. passerby,
    Ay naku, kung magkataon at pinagbababato na siya ng mga sakay niya.

    I rarely talk to drivers too. Only if they start the conversation. And well, most people in this country are pretty conservative. He's lucky that I'm open about those things. If in case it would be an old lady riding that taxi, she would've already called the police.

    Haha! I live in Makati too. If you live in Makati and you don't know the places, you'll most probably end up being driven by taxis all over the place until your bill hit pretty high, and sometimes, well... it's dangerous. So be VERY VERY careful. If the driver starts driving into a street you are not familiar with, ask him to take the path where you recognize the road, regardless of how thick the traffic is.

    Don't even dream about it. It's disgusting. Seriously. It would make it less disturbing if he's handsome, but... erase from thought erase from thought XDXD

    I guess he's really really bored. XD

    Maybe I didn't freak out because I've experienced scarier stuff than this, like being driven into dark streets and such. XD

  16. yo
    yung mga ganyan, me ibig sabihin yan... nagbubukas sila ng ganun topic o nagkukuwento dahil me gs2 sila iparating sa kausap nila... "puwede ka ba?"

    isa rin yan sa mga paraan nila para mapapayag yung kausap nila... xmpre, unti2 yan hanggang sa mahuli kiliti...


    yngatz lage =D

  17. Trelumas,
    Pero hnd ko type si manong. Kasi.. err.. eww! XDXDXD

  18. I'm pretty sure he was bullshitting over the time where he popped that 19 year-old girl's cherry. Come to think of it, he was probably bullshitting you all the time. He's very entertaining, though.

  19. LOL! Never had a conversation that interesting with a cab driver. I probably would've been creeped out if I were in your place. :P
    Plus, I'm rarely interested in het relationship stories din :p

  20. haha
    sino ba naman na katulad naten na ubo guwapo't ubo maganda ubo ang gugusto sa isang taxi drayber?

  21. your a brave girl... dapat mag dala ka ng stun gun or something...

  22. anak ng pitong puting tupa ung driver na un ah di nahihiya ^^

  23. ROFLMAO...pwedeng pang outbound si manong sa call center...

  24. gosh, euri.. your entry just made me LOL. cool entry btw, the story really rocks.

  25. lol.. tindi ni manong. lol. ingat na lng lagi sa mga ganyan. Now pili ka taxi o jeep.. lol

  26. potek na driver yan.. laswa.. pero nakakatuwa ahahaha...

  27. That was epic!

  28. Philip: Pinoy nga naman...
    Chette: No comment. Lol.

  29. i...

    ... had disturbing thoughts. mabuti naman nakawala ka. haha.

  30. This real or what? How old does he look? Yeah, that's pretty obvious he's trying to "get" you from the start.

  31. Ade,
    I thought so too. But I do think that part when he was attacked by a gay was real. And he liked it. If not, he wouldn't dare tell a soul about it, no?

    I rarely talk to cab drivers. Only when I'm in a extremely good mood.

    Uu nga eh. Hayaan mo't mamatay rin yan. =D

    Oo nga eh! Kung taga call center lang ako, i-rerecruit ko si manong. XD

    Pano mamili ng taxi? To be honest, I don't really know how to judge a person by only the facial features.

    Yes, it's real. I did say it was a "funny experience," no? Hm? I don't really think he's trying to "get" me. I don't even look old enough to be molested. Is he a lolicon? I do think he's gay though, by the way he acts and speak. XD

  32. ang adik naman ni manong driver. he didn't even think twice about telling a passenger--a stranger about his experiences. it would have been better if he talked about something else--Jrock, perhaps? I'm sure you won't be the least bored. :3 haha.. well, assuming nakikinig sila ng music aside from the ones played at 90.7 (was it? i can't remember. XD)

  33. Oh my, the things that are said in taxi cabs these days!
    Cheryl Beckham


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