Wednesday, June 30, 2004

Here They Go Again

I had received mails from Christians saying things like, I'll be burned down in Hell while they enjoy themselves up in Heaven. And my reply to all of you would be, Thanks you for the mail and I already know I'm going to Hell (if it exists though) when I die. Look, we respected every Christian beliefs and listened to them whenever they try to preach us and things as such. Why couldn't you Christians do the same thing and listen to what we have to say first rather than telling us that we'll be in Hell for disbelieving before we even try to speak our minds. That was the most reason why a lot of non-Christians writes things like that. We tried our best to listen to your every word and when we got the chance to speak our mind, you damn us and tell us that we are devil's instruments. Most of you considered science as a devil's instrument. If then, why use the Internet? Why use computers? Aren't they product of science which you people call a product of devil's deeds? We do not REFUSE believing your G-d just for the reason of we don't see him, smell him, hear him etc. We disbelieve because he is beyond reason and logic. Don't go telling me things such as "that is why he is almighty because he is beyond words, beyond reason and beyond logic". What kind of reasoning is that? It just shows that you people couldn't defend your own God because somewhere deep inside you also doubt his existence like we do.

As much as possible I try to keep myself from this kind of talk because I do not want to shatter anyone's heart more, my Christian friends'. But I couldn't bare it anymore. I'm totally fed up for these kind of balderdashes! Look, I tried so hard to respect people for they could respect me also. Are those not enough for you to respect me also and leave me with what I believed and wanted to believe? I lived my life as a non-Christian peacefully and here you are ramming me with endless trash mails, branding me as disturbed, violent, cult member etc., and telling me that I less deserve to live because I dishonor my creator? Did the Christian teachings teach people to do those rude things to other people just because they do not believe? If I am your God, I would be disgraced. For your information, I am having my general check-ups twice annually and none of the results gave me that I lost my sanity (disturbed thing). I gave ample respect to my parents as you all do also (respect for my creator). Don't you go telling me that God created me. How? A stork brought me and stuck me to mom's womb? If that so, for what purpose is mating then? For pleasure? Sin. I am sinful because I say things like this. In my language, I only commit sin when I hurt somebody may it be on purpose or not. Now, I agree that I had sinned because in some way, I hurt somebody out there. But I do not consider plain disbelief as a sin, because I do not hurt anybody for not believing.

"If he didn't exists how come we know there is a G-d?" - read somewhere... I would like to state this just as in my point of view. I do not intend or by any possible change force you to believe me. Believe what you like. And I believe mine. This is my journal and I have the right to write whatever I want.

Q: Do you know Count Dracula?
A: Yes, of course.
Q: Did he ever existed?
A: No.
Explanation: It's all in LITERATURE.

Count Dracula became well known because of the novel "Dracula" a masterpiece of Bram Stoker. And how did G-d became well known in my point of view? The answer is also literature. He became well known because of the eldest literature masterpiece ever written by "a few inspired people" - the Bible. But I don't think that the Bible was the eldest literature written because, if my memory serves me right, stone tablets were dated far elder than the papyrus where the first version of the Bible was written... Or did I miss something?

Friday, June 18, 2004

I Believe, Because I Believe

I had read this once in an article - I believe, because I believe.

And here are my questions:

Why do you need to believe when you don't know what to believe? What was it that he believed that caused him to believe that I don't know if I would believe because I don't know what to believe? And why does he still believes that something he believe but doesn't know what that is he believed? And should I also believed that something he believed that I do not believe to make me also believe what he believed? And if I should believed that something he believed that I doubt I would believe would it make a difference when I believed that what he is believing is right? And when I found out what was it that he believed that I am starting to doubt believing, would he still be believing what he was believing or also stopped believing because he, too, himself don't know why he believes what he believes and just believed because he believed?

Never mind my question. You'll just lose your sanity if you analyzed those. I'm starting to lose mine as well. But answers are really hard to accept when you still have question after each... I'm serious about these question though. When you read too much, you'll ask too much. Sometimes, your brain might not hold it anymore and just burst out. (I know, I'm a freak!) But hey, this is true. One retarded I saw along my way one day, wrote an amazingly written article about God's existence. His grammar and choice for words are of such calibre that caught my attention greatly. I was on a hurry, but because I was amazed, I decided to read all he had written. I followed him as he wrote them. I seemed like a retarded myself reading those written on the church walls. I pointed it to Jhay the next day and he even commented, "Kaya pala siya nabaliw eh." I stared at him long enough for him to noticed I disagreed as I murmered, "Why do you have to assume such?" Obviously, he heard it and got mad. I respect that he would believe in a God, but saying those words in front of me is as if saying, "Non-believers deserve to be insane!"

Wednesday, June 16, 2004

Destiny and Free Will

Tomorrow would be the start of our prelim exam and tonight, I MUST study. My grades are a bit... uh... just don't ask. Now, I'm starting to get a bit worried of our exam tomorrow... Would I pass? *sighs* Btw, I read the "An Atheist on Judgment Day" a while ago... O.O Totally speechless.

That reminds me, we were having our Rizal class a while ago, our instructor, at the middle of her discussion, said that all is pre-destined for us by God. Then one statement came to my mind, "If it is then pre-destined, then why do we still need the so-called free will He gave us?" Then, one of my classmates asked, "If so, why did He gave other people useless parents." (translated, but the same thought and rudeness of his question wasn't changed. By his term of "useless", he meant "irresponsible".) Then I thought, "Quite what I had in mind but not exactly." Our instructor then said, "God destined those parents to be good but it was on their own free will that these parents became irresponsible." I slightly agreed with what she said that it is the parents choice to be irresponsible but I disagreed about the destiny part. I wanted to comment but, did not because it is out of the topic. (We're in a Rizal class not a Christian Formation one.) And she also said, "If you intend to know more about thing such as this, I am not the right person for it. Go find yourself a priest." I was laughing hard at that moment when she said that, as I thought, "Should I also find a priest myself? My endless question answered, just leads me deeper to another. And the more I question, the more I lose my faith than regain it." Complicated am I? Sometimes, I do not comprehend myself as well. Answers to my question leads to another and then, to another and at it's end, it would conflict the first statement given. And my question? Still remained unanswered. Man's capacity of thinking is greatly astonishing...

Anyway, going back to my comments about what my instructor said...
"God destined those parents to be good but it was on their own free will that these parents became irresponsible."
If free will is then present, then, you can't call it destiny for destiny could not be altered. And having the Webster Dictionary to support me, "Destiny. The pre-determined, inevitable or irresistible course of events." Take for example you are born with a heart disease and as pre-determined by doctors, at the age of 20-30 you'll die. This is an example of destiny. You are destined to die at such a young age because of your sickness. No matter how much medicine you drink, no matter how much rest you take, when you are destined to die, you'll die. (No offense for Catholics...) Even if you pray a hundred times a day, kneel at every step to the altar, cry under the crucified Christ for three whole days and nights and kiss every saint you see along your way, when you are destined to die, you'll still die. If destiny could be altered by "free will" then the word "destiny" should be deleted from the dictionary and be buried eternally to oblivion. For what purpose does the word exist if the word couldn't live up to its meaning? Same goes to people, when you know this guy's lying to you and is not living up to what he1 was saying or at least, would you still believe him then? If so, you're stupid. You're just lying to yourself if you do. This is also why the quotation "Trust when lost, is hard to regain" was created by whoever created it. (Don't go telling me, God also created that quotation. I wouldn't believe you a bit.) Why would trust had to be lost if all people believes other people even if they know it isn't right anymore? I wouldn't just believe something because someone told me to. It just isn't right. Do you get my point? That's all I have to say. Comment as much as you like about what you think is right. Free will...

Tuesday, June 8, 2004

Sorting Hat

I tried the Sorting Hat I found earlier. I was actually sorted in Ravenclaw.

Oh and this badge is really cute! I'm so going to put it everywhere!

I'm in Ravenclaw!

Friday, June 4, 2004

The Story of a Young Girl

She was a child who was given the talent of art. She draws things all her life. Mostly, when she was young, she draws figures she idolizes, like anime. If not, collages of something beyond anyone's explanation. People may say she lives in her own world. If you actually lives with her in the same house, you would think she is a zombie or a dead child - but you know she isn't. She seldom sleeps at that young age. Her skin is pale and her hands are cold. She has a short hair about shoulder length. She seldom talks, only if you would asked her. She wasn't this silent when she was a year younger. She usually talks to almost everyone and plays with almost anyone too. She was always teased as worthless and weak by her school mates. And to her teachers, she is an intelligent child - because of her capability of knowing things beyond her age much like feeling things such as deep emotions. But, she care less of them. She reads fiction and non-fiction books that are unsuitable for an eight year old child. All this, started with an unnatural dream as she slept one night.

She was in a place she liked most. A palace made of crystals. A palace filled with people who dresses like one of those she draws. One, lead her to a tall glass made door and opened it as she knelt. The child entered. In the room she found different types of jewels. She was astonished. Some, she had seen before and some, she haven't. One jewel caught her eyes. A bright blue jewel with a ring around it. It was a crystal pendant she caught in her tiny hands. Her eyes were gleaming wanting to say, "Could I keep it?" But before she uttered a word the lady sitting beside her said, "You like it? Then, it is yours." With great joy the child hugged the lady clad in white. The lady reached her hands and the child handed the jewel to her. The jewel raised to the air shining in sparkles of light and the light engraved words to the crystal. The child was puzzled of those words but accepted it anyway as the lady says, "My child, I will raised you to be one the finest. You will wield this scepter." Handing a silver made scepter with the same blue jewel at the scepter's head.

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