Wednesday, September 27, 2006

Lethe

Lethe. Prounounced as "lee-thee". It literally means "forgetfulness" or "concealment".

When you think about it generally, you were all that one could ask for. You might not have the best looks, but it seems every girl is after you. You're always at the top of everyone. It seems that you are quite the person whos is hard to reach. I knew first hand that if I would get into a relationship with you, it would really be painful. And in the end, it ended up with what I fear most. I fell in love. Every single day at school, I get terrible threats. Those stares that constantly stabbing me from the back straight to my heart are unbearable. Those heart-breaking insults and text messages I receive from your admirers got me almost to the point of breaking down. Even still, I bore the pain. I ignore them. It's because you were there. Those days we shared were happy moments I wanted to treasure all my life. But now, they seemed more like a dream.

In all honestly, I am not born with the face nor I am born with the intelligence. To make things easier for your understanding, we are opposite. Total opposite. You never got a grade lower than 2.00. And I never got a grade higher than 2.00. O.o You always have girls to swarm you every single day. And I always say, "It's okay." It's because I trust you. I gave you all the trust I could possibly give to anyone. I was never envious of those pretty, intelligent women who always came to get your attention and I even allowed you to flirt with them in front of me. Simply because I know, you were mine. But you know, even though I always show a poker face, they hurt yet I bore them.

I would gladly accept all those, just don't fucking tell me, I am after another man. If talking to some old friend is considered betrayal in you eyes, what do you call those shit you were doing? Aren't those the sight of betrayal as well? You never heard a word from me. I kept silent all these 3 years. But I'm at the point of reaching my limit. You never cared. As if I am some toy you would just see whenever you like. I am not your toy.

Sabi nga ni Prize, I have been suffering enough. I couldn't contact you for months now. I don't even know what the heck you are doing. I know you are busy. But wouldn't it take you only a few seconds so text me and say, "Hey, I'm still alive." On your last e-mail, the last time we taked, you said something striking...

You are not the same Euri I knew. My Euri wouldn't say those things. She wouldn't talk like that. I will go find my Euri.


Those words you left, they kept me thinking. Each night, I couldn't sleep just thinking about it. It makes me wonder which Euri was the one you were referring to. Is that Euri the real me, or some Euri you just wanted to be me? Which Euri was the one you liked and which Euri did you know?

One night, in my dream, I saw her once again. As if she came back to me. She embraced me so tight and let me cry all I wanted. Even though I had ignored her for quite sometime, she still came back to me. Then and there, I realized one truth. I managed to bore all those pains not because you were there, but because she was there. Even though I knew that, I kept my eyes closed and kept believing it was you. She was like a shadow, she was always there beside me accepting every part of me even though how much I rejected her, even though I left her cold and die alone.

She came for me once again, she kissed me softly on the forhead and told me to be strong. She told me not to bear it alone anymore because she's there to share the pain. And that she would stay with me as long as I wanted her too, as she had always been there. She woke me up from this long tiring dream. She showed me reality again. She found the most precious thing I had that I lost in this long road. She found me. She told me all we have were ourselves and that no matter what, she wouldn't hurt me. She wouldn't let me die alone. Because we - we are one.

8 comments:

  1. It's like reading my own diary.

    =(

    Hope you're dealing well with everything....

    ReplyDelete
  2. Philip and Chette

    We can't say anything but...

    "Don't ever give up. After storm comes the rainbow"

    ReplyDelete
  3. Re: Philip and Chette

    Of course you can't say anything. I didn't expect any more of it, anyway. Frankly, nobody has anything to say not even my best friends (Lanie and Randy), who knew every detail of this, or even Mike.

    ReplyDelete
  4. James: whats wrong?

    Euri? whats wrong? ;-;

    ReplyDelete
  5. Re: Philip and Chette

    Philip: We can't say anything because you will just reject it.

    chette: about this...

    >Isn’t it surprizing that you finally used wordpress. >.

    Well the Godswill Love blog if it will go down (for example) it won't be a problem (if you remember what I told you why I like manuals than php.. kasi when the server goes down.. it will go down.. all of it...) pero Philip and I decided that we should use word press kasi its okay naman if we lose all the things there :) hindi naman ito sobrang importante na katulad doon sa potterhands.com/chetteblog ko :)

    ReplyDelete
  6. Re: James: whats wrong?

    Hi James!

    Nothing's wrong. I was just telling a story about Lethe. :)

    ReplyDelete
  7. Re: Philip and Chette

    @ Philip ~
    Reject? Aren't we a little too much conceited? Really, how can I possible reject something when I was merely telling a story? O.o I honestly didn't get that thing you are to point out.

    @ Chette ~
    Well, never mind that. I was just surprized that you used it and thought of commenting. :)

    ReplyDelete
  8. Re: Philip and Chette

    Words which cannot be conveyed by the mouth are silently spoken by the heart. There are limits in what can be done when friends are constructed by distance, not to mention having similar inner demons to wrestle with endangering us to succumb to oblivion. Alas, sorrow also besets me at the moment and the only thing I can offer is understanding, imprecise and imperfect though it may be.

    Lanie and I love you so much. Be safe Euri-chan.

    ReplyDelete

 

Contact Form

Name

Email *

Message *

Etc