Monday, June 26, 2006

To a Certain Christian

This is getting on my nerves and I don't want to leave it alone as well.

To you! You know who you are! Shut up and read. What do you care if I do not believe in God? For so you know, I do not even believe there exists one! You can flame me all you want, rage me. I'll take it. But never mock me for it. Those flame e-mails are always the priority in my mailbox. I always read them first because they honestly make my day. I read them when I'm stressed out, I read them when I am not in a good mood. Because they always leave me with a smile.

Don't you dare educate me about God and tell me I am close-minded. What do you know about your God? You don't even know your bible. You dont read it. You don't even pray. You pray only when you need him. What do you think of you God? An operator - that will answer your ever call? Your nanny - that would reach everything to you? Your house helper - that you call and ask for anything whenever you need something? You guidance councilor - that you would go into whenever you need someone? If I would be you God, I would not feel sad but rather, I would pity you. At least, even though I am an atheist, I read the bible, every other day. I just don't pray.

Isn't it more painful that you have to hear this from an Atheist? And, a proud one at that.

You hypocrite! First take the log out of your own eye, and then you will be able to see clearly to take the speck out of your brothers eye. (Mat 7:5)

Oh, hell is such as sweet place and I even belong to the 5th level. Come with me? ;)

Saturday, June 24, 2006

To Be or Not to Be

See? I am right, you choose to listen to things you just want to hear. When someone starts to criticize you or someone has a new point of view that they wanted to let you see, even though it's right. You shut them out. You only listedn to people who could go and flow with your thoughts.

And some people have the nerve to tell me this. What do they know of me? Nothing. I shut them out did I? No, I don't shut them out. I only bring them back to their own statements to make them realize that they are doing the things they are raging and flaming me about. And dare they beg to differ when they crave to hard to belong?

It's to be or not to be. It's either you take the left cheek or the right cheek. The black or the white. Now, on which side are you? Stop pretending. You are not in living in a fairytale nor a dream. Sometimes, we got to wake up, one in a while.

Friday, June 23, 2006

Lost Pride

Weeks before, I promised myself not to ask forgiveness for something I never did, even in thoughts. At least, not anymore. But just this night, this very minute, I took all those words again. I am swallowing my pride again. I am saying sorry again.

At times I feel stupid doing this over and over, but I couln't blame myself one way or another. His pride is too high. If I keep mine up as high as his, we might end up losing each other again this time. And I do not want that to happen. As much as it is possible, I wanted to keep this love alive and healthy. It's not that I am the only one entirely carrying all this relationship. It's just that when it comes to fights that includes pride, it's either I would make the amendment or no one will. Nothing else will happen if I didn't make the first step.

Tell me, am I real?

Tuesday, June 6, 2006

Mula ng Umalis Siya

Mula ng umalis siya, puro pangalan na lang niya maririnig mo. Bukang bibig nila puro siya. Alam mo kasi, magaling siya eh. Both academically and logically. Matalino, organized, matiyaga, friendly, role model. Wala ka talagang masabi. Evertime na nabbangit ang pangalan niya, sabay dighay at tingin sakin ang lahat na tila ba at the back of their mind, they imply that I am not worth even a pinch of what he is, what he does, and what he did for them and the company. Sa madaling sabi, wala akong pakinabang. Sabagay, meron nga ba?

Nung minsang nagkaroon ng meeting, sa kalagitnaan ng meeting, biglang sumulpot yung mga salitang, "Kung hindi na rin lang katulad niya o mas magaling pa sa kanya, wag na lang." Nakita ko yung sinseridad mga mga katagang yun. It made me realize one painful truth that I was hinding from for so long. Na para sa kanila, I wasn't worth anything here. Totally nothing.

Eto naman kasi ang point ko eh. Siya, for so you know, ay isang summa cumlaude. Yes. The summa cumlaude who's grades must not be lower than 2.00 and who's average must fall between 1.00 to 1.75. In short, ass kicking brainy na umaapaw na ang grades. Isipin mo na lang ha, kung isa kang magna cumlaude, naturally, mas maraming offers from different companies, hindi lang basta companies ang usapan dito, big companies pa ang babagsak sa doorstep mo. Sa ganun karaming offers, would you rather stick to the same company out of "friendly sila eh" reasoning or would you move to another company with a bigger offer or better yet, doubled offer? Naturally, your answer would be, "I'm moving."

Saturday, June 3, 2006

Buti Pa Si...

"Buti pa anak ni [insert name here], matalino."
"Buti pa si [insert name here] swerte. May anak na mabait."
"Yung anak ni [insert name here]. Napakamasunurin, masipag, [and all other adjectives!]. Hindi katulad mo."

Trust is the one thing I wanted from you the most that I never got. Para sayo, wala akong kwenta. Wala akong silbi. Even when I was still young, I couldn't remember anything you did trust me with.

Wa effect din yung pagrerebelde, alam mo ba? So I just left you alone. I want you to do the same. Leave me alone.

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