I'm a having a mixed feeling with my work. A part of me enjoyes it much like someone who is pursuing his dream and shaping it to reality. Yet somehow, a part of me holds me back and wanted to just ran away and hide. I feel so annoyed whenever the idea of having no purpose in life glides my thought. I feel so stupid to even think I ever did have one.

It's not because I'm having a hard time adjusting. Yes, I do admit, I do. Working with people I hardly know, really is a big adjustment on my part. Much more, when I am used to working with a few people I just picked out to work with. It's not their attitude that makes me feel this way either. Taking them on an average day to day work, they are fun and enjoyable. There is nothing wrong with them or what they do. I always knew it was me all along. Me and my damn forsaken attitude. I always see a perfect picture in them - without me.

I feel so unpredictable, I feel so disorganized. I feel so frightened, I feel hopeless. I feel so annoyed with myself. I don't know what to feel. And I feel terrible.