Tuesday, December 26, 2006

Happy Holiday!


Do I have to say more?

Saturday, December 23, 2006

Midnight Society

I've opened a new club at Kawaii Heavens Network Forums today! It's called Midnight Society!

Midnight Society is a club for people who hangs out by the forums more at night all the way until dawn. We could talk about things that happen at night or just whatever random things we could.

If you're a member of KH Forums, you might wanna join out group! I'll be fun! :D

Last update: March 02, 2008



Sample ID

 

Members List 

0001. Euri
0002. Haruhi
0003. Chikage_FD
0004. Miryuri
0005. Koizumi Itsuki
0006. KCT
0007. mickl3
0008. Leonhearts
0009. Darkest Impulse
0010. cbhl
0011. Archer
0012. Anim4nia
0013. AK
0014. O4E
0015. Nanaya
0016. Otakubenny
0017. Nerfine
0018. Kimitsutoko
0019. Vcurl
0020. Shinkirou
0021. MK

Member's ID

* You can click the images to get their links.



Old IDs

Thursday, December 14, 2006

17 Taon

Puta. Wag mo kong sasalubungin ng topak mo at pagod ako. 17 taon mo na kong kapatid, alam mong mas sira ang ulo ko sayo. Mas matagal akong nabuhay kaya mas maluwag ang tornilyo ko sayo. Kapag tinanong ka ng maayos, sumagot ka ng maayos at wag mo kong sisigawan nang wala akong ginagawa sayo. Alam kong CAT officer ka at malakas ang boses mo, naging officer din ako nung unang panahon kaya't mas malakas din ang boses ko kung sisigawan kita. Hampasin pa kita ng riffle diyan eh. Iniintindi kita at ika'y nasa adolecent stage na sadyang may sayad talaga. Pero wag mo ako sanang sagarin. Baka akala mo, proke umiwi si mama, hindi kita hahampasin. Malas mo lang.

Tuesday, December 5, 2006

Sunday, December 3, 2006

Death Note

Death Note entry moved here:
http://www.beyondeternal.com/life/death-note/

F-U-C-K LimeWire.

Thursday, November 30, 2006

The Diary

I found her diary underneath a tree.
and started reading about me
The words she's written took me by surprise
you'd never read them in her eyes.
They said that she had found the love she waited for.
Wouldn't you know it, she wouldn't show it.

When she confronted with the writing there,
simply pretended not to care.
I passed it off as just in keeping with
her total disconcerting air
and though she tried to hide
the love that she denied,
wouldn't you know it, she wouldn't show it.

And as I go through my life, I will give to her my wife
all the sweet things that I can find.

I found her diary underneath a tree.
and started reading about me.
The words began stick and tears to flow.
Her meaning now was clear to see.
The love she'd waited for was someone else not me
Wouldn't you know it, she wouldn't show it.

And as I go through my life, I will wish for her his wife
All the sweet things that she can find.
All the sweet things they can find.

Thursday, November 23, 2006

Da Vinci Code

I read somewhere but can't remember where...

"Da Vinci Code is a hoax! Discovery Channel said it!"


Pfft! People honestly thought Da Vinci Code is real? I'll die from laughing. The author himself said that it's a fiction. Therefore, it's a fiction. Period. For how many freaking times does it need to be said for people's brains to comprehend such a simple sentence? Oh, I forgot. People are stubborn. They only hear what they wanted to hear and believe what they wanted to believe. And when someone doesn't have the same point of view as they see it fit, their initial reaction is rejection. And that makes humans, "humans".

Sunday, November 12, 2006

The Compliment

Someone from work whom I dare not mention the name, told me that I code fast. Maybe I just think too much, but even though it might be a compliment, the way he said it sounded more like an insult. So I took it an insult. Honestly, insulting me wont do him any good. Since I was a child, I've been insulted for countless times. Not to mention the never ending comparison with other people's child. So I just ignored it, not saying a thing. Then, I got even lots more unwanted comments following it. Yet, I continue to ignore because reacting is pointless. I'm not sure if he's trying to get into my nerves or whatever, but it doesn't really work. How about trying another tactic? It's a good thing I'm not conceited enough to think that he wants my attention, for some reason. When he finally asked something, I replied straightly and got a "ang sunget" comment right after. Should I react more net time?

Tuesday, October 31, 2006

Again

Again, I have less time to blog and need more time to work and rest at home. Always, you'll find me at Beyond Eternal.

Ja~ ;)

Wednesday, October 18, 2006

Eventful Day

Today, a lot has happened.

I received a call this morning from Auction.ph. I got the job I was applying for. Also, this afternoon, we broke up.

Should I be happy or sad?

Friday, October 13, 2006

Cruel Reality

What?! You are his girlfriend yet you have no idea of whatsoever happened to him? Not even any news of him?


-_-||

The last thing I wanna hear next is the phrase, "What kind of a girlfriend are you?" Cruel reality, isn't it?

Tuesday, October 10, 2006

Hide and Seek

Why do people have to hide from me yet show themselves to other people. Honestly, this is insulting. Are we playigng hide and seek here? If you intend to hide from me, don't show yourself to people who might tell me they saw you! I don't know what it is in your mind that you constantly try you best not to be in contact with me. I am a pretty good stalker, if I may say so myself. I could know your every move if I just wanted to know. Since I respect your privacy, I let you do pretty much whatever you want with your life. No omplaints here. It's your life after all. You also know more than anyone else that ignoring people is my only known talent. If you wanted to be ignored, just say so. I wont even bother show my ugly face in your beautiful presence. It's not that I'm being a little persistent that I'm always going after you. It's just that I'm always insulted when you do that.

Tuesday, October 3, 2006

Ang Pizza

On a meeting sa isang bahay sa QC...

Man: Iho, ibili mo nga kami ng pizza diyan sa kanto. Heto ang pera.
House Boy: Opo.
Man: Okay, tuloy tayo sa meeting.
Another man: So yung stocks...

Meeting continues on.

Man: *suddenly remembers* Anong oras na?
Woman: It's pass 2pm.
Man: Ano kamo? 3 oras na? Nasan na yung inutusan kong bumili ng pizza? Sa kanto lang eh, ang tagal.
Another Man: Tawagan mo na kaya?
Man: Sandali.

And the man starts to call.

SFX: Krriiinnggg!!!

House Boy: Hello?
Man: Hello? Asan na yung pinapabili ko?
House Boy: Wala po akong makitang nagtitinda ng pizza.
Man: Asan ka na ba?
House Boy: Nasa may Cubao po.
Man: Ano? Nakarating ka ng Cubao, hindi ka pa rin nakakabili?!
House Boy: Opo.
Man: Umuwi ka na lang. Wag ka nang bumili.
House Boy: San po ako sasakay?
Man: Pareho din ng sinakyan mo kanina.
House Boy: Hindi ko na po alam yung sinakyan ko kanina.
Man: Ano?!
House Boy: Naliligaw na po ako. Hindi ko na po alam kung nasan ako.

-_-||

Saturday, September 30, 2006

Whenever

Whenever we lose someone we love, we cry. We let ourselves drown in our own tears to reflect despair, to show everyone how painful it is to lose someone. Some people, kill their emotions to rid themselves of feeling the same dreadful pain. But some, dry themselves of tears to be able to smile the next day. Whenever we continue to shut ourselves behind those strong walls to avoid pain, there would always be those people who love us, who were left outside that wall, that feel even more pain that we do. It's not that they pity us for it. It's because they also feel the same pain we feel and more, the pain they feel doubles because we lose ourselves like that and rejects them. We aren't the only ones who feel pain. Everyone feels them. Even animals feel pain. It's because we are all living. A life without pain is not worth living.

Whenever someone dies, in that same moment, someone somewhere is given a new life.

Wednesday, September 27, 2006

Lethe

Lethe. Prounounced as "lee-thee". It literally means "forgetfulness" or "concealment".

When you think about it generally, you were all that one could ask for. You might not have the best looks, but it seems every girl is after you. You're always at the top of everyone. It seems that you are quite the person whos is hard to reach. I knew first hand that if I would get into a relationship with you, it would really be painful. And in the end, it ended up with what I fear most. I fell in love. Every single day at school, I get terrible threats. Those stares that constantly stabbing me from the back straight to my heart are unbearable. Those heart-breaking insults and text messages I receive from your admirers got me almost to the point of breaking down. Even still, I bore the pain. I ignore them. It's because you were there. Those days we shared were happy moments I wanted to treasure all my life. But now, they seemed more like a dream.

In all honestly, I am not born with the face nor I am born with the intelligence. To make things easier for your understanding, we are opposite. Total opposite. You never got a grade lower than 2.00. And I never got a grade higher than 2.00. O.o You always have girls to swarm you every single day. And I always say, "It's okay." It's because I trust you. I gave you all the trust I could possibly give to anyone. I was never envious of those pretty, intelligent women who always came to get your attention and I even allowed you to flirt with them in front of me. Simply because I know, you were mine. But you know, even though I always show a poker face, they hurt yet I bore them.

I would gladly accept all those, just don't fucking tell me, I am after another man. If talking to some old friend is considered betrayal in you eyes, what do you call those shit you were doing? Aren't those the sight of betrayal as well? You never heard a word from me. I kept silent all these 3 years. But I'm at the point of reaching my limit. You never cared. As if I am some toy you would just see whenever you like. I am not your toy.

Sabi nga ni Prize, I have been suffering enough. I couldn't contact you for months now. I don't even know what the heck you are doing. I know you are busy. But wouldn't it take you only a few seconds so text me and say, "Hey, I'm still alive." On your last e-mail, the last time we taked, you said something striking...

You are not the same Euri I knew. My Euri wouldn't say those things. She wouldn't talk like that. I will go find my Euri.


Those words you left, they kept me thinking. Each night, I couldn't sleep just thinking about it. It makes me wonder which Euri was the one you were referring to. Is that Euri the real me, or some Euri you just wanted to be me? Which Euri was the one you liked and which Euri did you know?

One night, in my dream, I saw her once again. As if she came back to me. She embraced me so tight and let me cry all I wanted. Even though I had ignored her for quite sometime, she still came back to me. Then and there, I realized one truth. I managed to bore all those pains not because you were there, but because she was there. Even though I knew that, I kept my eyes closed and kept believing it was you. She was like a shadow, she was always there beside me accepting every part of me even though how much I rejected her, even though I left her cold and die alone.

She came for me once again, she kissed me softly on the forhead and told me to be strong. She told me not to bear it alone anymore because she's there to share the pain. And that she would stay with me as long as I wanted her too, as she had always been there. She woke me up from this long tiring dream. She showed me reality again. She found the most precious thing I had that I lost in this long road. She found me. She told me all we have were ourselves and that no matter what, she wouldn't hurt me. She wouldn't let me die alone. Because we - we are one.

Tuesday, September 26, 2006

4th Interview

Went to Auction.ph yesterday at 2:00 pm as it was scheduled for my interview. I don't know if it went well. They say they'll call me back for the feedback. This is the 4th interview from them. The one who interviewed me was really beautiful! She really looked like the Korean actress Kim Jeong Eun from Lovers in Paris. I don't actually watch Korean drama series, I just saw it from commercials. And I am not mistaking her just because Koreans all look alike? For a fact, I had Korean classmates and friends from highschool so I know the diffrence. Anyway, I am pretty sure that she's one of the OICs or even the actual owner at that point. They said, this was the final interview. I'm pretty scared. My interview didn't went well yesterday. My nervousness kept me from opening my mouth again. Damn it. It is at these circumstances that I curse my inability to communicate with people properly. But in most cases, I'm thankful of it for it keeps me from annoying people. My communication skills are the worst, if I may say so myself. And I'm not a bit proud of it this time!

Monday, September 25, 2006

Not for Sale. Sample Only.

A while back, I went to a mall. I went straight to a perfume store. They sell various kinds there. I prefer my usual perfume so I went to see if they have it there. I saw one perfume I used before. It's not the one I was looking for but still, I tried asking how much it cost. The middle-aged lady (not sure if she's the store owner) said something like, "Do you want to try it? Here." As she handed me a little bottle of the same perfume. At it side, there something written that says, "Not for Sale. Sample Only." I returned the bottle to her and said plainly, "No need. I know how it smells." Then she replied, "Then would you like this one?" "How much would they cost?", I answered. She replied with, "This small one, is for Php 200.00; the midlle size is for Php 1,500.00; the largest bottle is Php 2,500. Which one do you like?" Honestly, I was quite a bit shocked. She even included the smallest bottle in the pricing and to top it off, for Php 200.00?! Can't she even read that it's for "Sample Only" and it's "Not for Sale"? She got that for free and she's really selling it for that amount? It's okay, if she uses it as a sample but to sell it? Really, I don't know if people these days just really needed money, just wanna fool people, or just plain stupid. Anyway, I left that store and thought not to buy from that store again. I might buy an imitation for the price of the original. It's just plain scary. >.<

Wednesday, September 20, 2006

The Decision

I am at the brink of my limit. I keep raising my head, looking at the ceiling, trying so hard to smile. Just to keep these tears from falling. Just to keep myself from shattering apart. I don't want to break. I keep telling myself that. Because I know the moment I break down, I couldn't get the courage to pick myself up again. I wanted to be strong. How much I wanted to hold on. Yet these feelings overflows within me. No matter how I restrain myself, I couldn't do it. Maybe just this night, I may permit myself to cry. Maybe just this night, I may dry myself from these tears. Hoping tomorrow would be another day. Hoping tomorrow I could honestly face this world. Hoping the days after tomorrow I could finally pick the right words to tell you. How painful it is. How long I had been keeping this pain within me. How I pity myself for so long. How I wanted to be free.

This bird finally decided to break free from her cage. Even if breaking free means her wings would be badly wounded and she might not be able to fly for the rest of her life. Even if breaking free would only result her to an eternal despair. Even if breaking free only meant she has to leave the only happiness she has.

Tuesday, September 19, 2006

Translate This in English

_yuuzora left me hanging with a brain cracking question earlier. It left me thinking for hours! O_o Now I don't even know if I could manage to sleep not knowing the answer.

Translate this in English: Pang ilang presidente si GMA?


I tried asking people in my YIM list. The funniest thing there is when I get almost the same replies.

error_in_syntax replied:

GMA is the Philippines' nth President. What is n?


Tony replied:

GMA is Nth president?


And My reply was:

GMA is the nth president. n=?


*lmao*

Now your reply is?

Saturday, September 16, 2006

Spare Me

Ah, please, spare me. You don't have to sweet talk me as well. Well, you can't anyway, what's the use? Aside from the fact that I am already taken (even though he seems not to care), I am not interested in any man on which I could honestly say, I'm more manly. As so goes that fact that I'm not interested in your "type" of a guy. So how do I see you? Well, prepare yourself for this.

If you belong to any of this, don't bother.

1. You stink. I careless if you took a bath 5 times, roll your deo on 10 times, the fact that you still stink, it only means, it's ineffective. Please stay away from me within a hundred meter radius.
2. You perspire a lot. I hate sticky people. What more is when my skin got to touch you. -_-|| (I just rememebred a passenger from the jeepney I road yesterday. Gross!)
3. You are too hairy (body-wise). I freaked out at the sign of body hairs (exaggerated). Maybe because it was injected to my system that hairy people smells and perspires the most?
4. You are bald. Or maybe, you just had your hair cut? Either way, I don't like guys without hair (head-wise). Also, I don't like attracting attention because your head is shiny and all.
5. Our skin tone differences are way too opposite. I don't like catching attention that way. I prefer if you are paler than I am. It makes me want to bite you. =3
6. We don't have any interest in common. Because the only interest you have is flirting girls and I'm not into flirting, much more, to girls?
7. I don't like how you dress. I really don't care about you being emo, goth, punk or anything in particular to dressing, but please have a little bit of decency not to try so hard.
8. You have no class. My gosh! Don't eat things you pick from the ground (5 minutes? Yuck!) and don't lick your fingers. Are you a dog or something?
9. You smoke. I'm not fond of people who look, smell and much more, taste like an ashtray. I despise the scent sticking to me too! I would rather stick to the smell of my perfume than smell like grilled fish.
10. You prefer men. Please don't use me as some sort of replacement for your boyfriend if he broke up with you or you had a argument. I don't even have anything worth that long to inject into your anus too. Maybe if you would provide me a pole or anything would be nice?

PS: I am so not starved of men para patulan ka.

Thursday, September 14, 2006

Yet Another Rant

I know, text messages are a mass. Even then, people should not be typing things such as "dis s a smpl msg" and much more, in a stcky caps like "yEt aNtHr sMpL MsG" because it freaking annoying! Aside from the fact that it's not the proper way of doing it, it's also hard to read. You may use them for text messages but for heaven's sake, not on notebooks, documentations and term papers!

*ahem*

So why did I ended up with ranting like this? It's because of this term paper my brother needs to pass. Someone (his classmate) provided him with a summary of a few chapters of Noli Me Tangere that they needed to make a term paper on. It should be written in Filipino. I was bribed to help him typed those 3 full pages of back to back yellow papered summary taht that classmate provided. Aside from the fact that this certain being is a little trying too hard to attain deep Filipino feeling using deep Filipino vocabularies, it's loaded with mispelled Filipino words and gramatical errors. And to make it worse, she/he uses texting-type manner of writing in sticky caps! It creeps me out, honestly.

On first account, the prefixes "mag", "nag" and the like only uses "-" when the next letter is a vowel. Other than that, the words should not be separated by "-". (mag-awitan; magkamayan) Secondly, "nang" and "ng" are used differently. "Nang" is used to describe something and is often used in this manner: Verb + nang + Adverb/Adjective. "Ng" on the other hand is a possesive modifier and is used mostly as such manner: Noun + ng + Noun. But thay are not limited to only these. This is basic Filipino. Didn't they learn this in elementary? They are even highschool students already and can't even construct a simple Filipino sentence properly?

HS Names?

Lately, I've been seing Labs often. I wonder why. When I went to school some time last week, I saw her. I know their school is just a few steps from ours but their school's population is huge. Then, when we went to SM last weekend, I saw her at DIY and she yelled, "LABS!" Everyone has the, "What?!" expression written all over their faces. They probably thought we were a couple? O_o Actually, even I was surprized she still calls me "Labs". It's been approximately 6 years now when we started calling each other that. It was when we found out that Diel (our friend) had this secret boyfriend and they call each other "Labs". Then, we started teasing them and call each other the same thing whenever we see them together and it kinda just stuck.

I suddenly remembered what people used to call me back in HS.

First, it's Haruka. Since elementary, I had been called by this name. When I saw Joy (another HS classmate) sometime ago, she still calls me Haruka. It was taken from Tenou Haruka (Sailoruranus). I was an addictied fan. I even bought collectible cards, film cards, posters, ring, and all else I could find with her face on it. I even dreamt about her. And I honestly admit that I still wished she was a man. >..<) Biblically speaking, I do not think that the name is suitable for me. Maybe Cain is more preferable. She even used me to make her boyfriend jealous by asking me to write her letters every other day. Then, she would brag it in front of him and say it was from a guy named "Abel" and the dimwit seriously believed her though. O_o Aside from forging my paren't signatures, maybe I'm also great at impersonating a guy? O_o

Tuesday, September 12, 2006

I Won't Lie to You

If you break up to pieces, I would only watch you pick yourself up. I wont help you. Even if it means I'm also shattering myself with it. I won't give you lies that I would help you. Nor give you comforting words to stop your tears. No matter what I say, your heart wont stop feeling the pain, anyway. Besides, I already have enough problems with myself. I don't need another shit from you. I sounded rude for a friend? I AM rude, for heaven's sake! People learn a lot and get stronger as soon as they picked themselves up. I wanted to be the one to see that smiling face telling me, "I finally recovered!" than be the sole one to see that gloomy life-less body of yours on the ground, drowned in tears, begging to be mended. After all, no heart can be mended unless they themselves put effort into stitching those wounds, right? You better start stitching because I won't lie to you. Even if it means you would die. I still won't lie. Because the only way I could show you how to be a friend is to be true.

Monday, September 11, 2006

LJ

Beyond Eternal is still down. It's been freaking down for a long time. *sigh*

I'll be on my LJ for a while. As of current, I really don't have any appetite for this blog.

http://nvr-existed.livejournal.com/

Sunday, September 10, 2006

Brilliance


After a few centuries, got a new layout. I haven't thought of a good name for it yet. Maybe later. Yes, it's Gackt. Again. I know. He's so freaking beautiful, what can I do? ;)

[edit] I named it Brilliance. [/edit]

Thursday, September 7, 2006

Birdcage

Have you ever felt of how much painful it is when you want fly and reach those cloudy heavens, breath those fresh wind breeze, see how the day shines so bright, yet you can't? Because you are confined. Those strong, thick rusted bars prevents you. You fought hard. Yes, you had finally learned to fight. Yet no matter how much you flap those wings they just bleed and feel more pain. The chains that bind your feet are already covered with your own blood. Your frail little body is already filled with bruises you caused yourself trying too hard to break free.

Would you continue to dream of the outside world you longed for so long at that cause of so much pain? Would you still want that freedom where you would never know when the day will come that you would be shot down by a hunting gun? Or would you remain inside that rusted cage, well pampered with all the food and water you wanted but you will never see that sunlight you dreamed of.

Life is cruel. Everyone knows that. Now, tell me... freedom or luxury - death or regret?

--

Birdcage
by Gackt
(translation by Senshi Gakuen)

Inside of the light, I saw my youthful memories
They're still too far off for me, filthy as I am now
Inside of the darkness, I called your name over and over again
Inside of the endless time, there's no one there but you

I lock myself up, unable to even atone
I can't do anything but pray...my sadness is not cured

I tore off a single damp petal from a hydrangea
It floats in a puddle, and I remember you

In the evening just after the rain, I faintly heard the far off whistel of a ship
For some reason, it made me sad

If I can't be forgiven, then everything can disappear
The sadness and the pain, to the world that doesn't need anything

I lock myself up, unable to even atone
I can't do anything but pray...my sadness is not cured

Inside of the light, I saw my youthful memories
Even the soundless smile is happy right now
I can't return to that time ever again
When we were laughing

Wednesday, September 6, 2006

What happened to Beyond Eternal?

What happened to Beyond Eternal? A lot had been asking me that lately. I am currently experiencing mass security issues with BE. In short, I have been hacked from left to right lately. Talk about pain the neck. So both me and my host concluded to put the site down for the meantime until we could find the cause of it. I mean, where they enter my site. There should be an openning of some sort somewhere where they managed to enter right? so until that's figured out, it will stay in a down state. You can't think of a solution if you don't know the cause right? So all I have to do then is wait for my host to finish screening every part of my site. Yes, every part.

--

One factor for security issue that was reported to me was the Tagger LE I am using as a Tagboard. so if you are using Tagger (file-based tagboard), no matter what version it is, be alarmed that you might also get hacked one way or another.

Another is that you have to upgrade your PHP Fanbase to its latest security update. This one's been up since May, I just thought I might share.

Saturday, August 26, 2006

Gayness

First things first, I was hacked again. And damn, this was the second time this week too. It's really a pain considering I'm job hunting lately leaving me no time to work on Beyond Eternal anymore. Speaking of which, I went to Sutherland Globals Services this morning to apply for TSR (Technical Support Representative) on which in the slightest of my comprehension leads to the idea of being a call center agent. I started at 10 in the morning and guess what, I just got myself done past 6 in the evening. The waiting time is frankly longer than that of the interviewing and exam time. I passed the grammar exams, but I seriously think I have to work on my communication skills. What can I do? I'm a natural born introvert. Anyway, there was this guy/gay (Honestly, I don't know which one is he but I really wanted him to be a gay though.) who is some sort of a speech trainer for the to be call center agents. He decides whether you pass or fail in the interview. When he started his introduction, (before he interviewed us) he lend me his jacket and even blackmailed me to take it or else he would fail me, because he thought I was cold to the point of freezing myself to death. Honestly, I wasn't. I was even more nervous than cold. I could actually hear my heart beating loud than feeling my body got numb of being cold. Seriously, I didn't thought that place to be that cold so I left my blaizer at home. But just the thought of him lending it to me is so sweet. =3 I even smelled the jacket. Taking the scent of the cigarette smoke aside, it smells nice. He was pretty worried I would get too cold in that office but I insisted to be the last one to take the interview. I wanna savor the scent of his jacket. *lol* But seriously, I want to be last because I'm too nervous to even stand up. XP

PS: While on my interview, he mentioned that we live in the same subdivision. When I find out where he exactly lives, I might stalk him. And you are free to call me the first woman to ever stalk a gay. XP

Thursday, August 24, 2006

Last Act of Bravery

No matter how I shout, it seems that my voice still can't reach you. No matter how I drag myself and try, it seems that I still can't meet your expectations. You were always looking for that child that suits your expectations. And I completely failed you at every possible way. I'm tired. Too tired. Tired of trying to please you every single day. I felt that I need to wake up from this dream somehow. And I decided it to be now. After all, I would need to wake up from it one way or another. If I wont, I will completely lose this little thing I have left within me that's called self-love. If I lost it, I couldn't get myself back to pieces anymore when I break. This is my one last act of bravery to protect myself. I can't bare it anymore. Please expect a living doll when I wake.

Tuesday, August 22, 2006

BE Hacked

Beyond Eternal is currently down. It has this some sort of Internal Server Error on which cause I knew not of. Fixing that takes time. Roughly, about a day or two. I should be done yesterday. My shitty brother, just because some babe friend who came along, shut what I was doing leaving me to start over again from that beginning. Damn him.

[edited]

I found the reason why. I was hacked by some guy going by some lame name called TimiHack.

Saturday, August 19, 2006

It's Okay to Cry

Just a draft of one another fiction. Based on a mixed of reality and not. I'll finalize it later this evening. My head hurts. T_T

--

She was walking the streets on her way home, one day.
"Yo. musta?", someone snuck through her back, grining widely.

Expressionless, thinking who could the idiot be, and she was surprized.

"You're alive?"

"Of course, what do you expect?", he winked.

"Still a big flirt, I see."

She remembers how he was always surrounded by girls back in their school days.

"Yeah, still pretty much the same old me. And what about you? What happened to you?"

"What, what happened to me?"
Stares at her from head to foot, stopped, and goes around looking at her.

"Stop staring at me like that, idiot.", she puched him in the arms.

"Gosh, your attitude never fades. You're still flat chested as it was. But what the heck's wrong with your taste, nowadays? You've become... geeky."

"What the~!"

"Wooww... Easy, girl."

Turns around a starts leaving.

Catches up, running, "Wait up! Is that how you are to treat someone after not seeing each other for years?"

"..."

"Seriously... you've changed a lot."

"..."

"Alam mo, you're always the type who never leaves the house without accessories. Christmas tree kung baga. Not to meantion, you're a cross-freak. Everytime we see something with a cross, binibili mo kaagad, without even any hesitation. Good thing ankh never interest you, but your heck scary of buying all those crosses. Aside from that, you never leave your house without wearing at least one. Now I'm seeing you without any accessories, without even a cross-earing, and on top of that, in a colored shirt? I'm getting sick."

"Shut up!"

"..."

"I've... changed..."

"I know."

"..."

"For how long have you been this way?"

"I couldn't quite remember, sorry."

"This is not you."

"..."

"Is it because of him, that you changed this much?"

"No, I wanted to change my image. I wanted to be someone who can approach people. Someone friendly. Someone..."

"... not you."

"How can you say that? You don't even know how I feel."

"Putang ina! Stop living in lies!"

"..."

"I know perfectly how you feel. Of all people, It is I who knows you best."

"..."

"Do you still wear your boots?", a sudden change of topic.

"Of course. I even bought one recently."

"..."

"By the way, I love those eyeliners your wearing."

"It's Revion, you know."

"Rich as ever."

"..."

"..."

Out of the blue, "Hindi ko na pakikialaman ang bago mong lifestyle.", staring at a rock, looking serious, and kicks it, "Gusto mo yan eh.", kicks another rock, "I just want you to stop wearing that mask. Be yourself. Do this not for me, but for yourself."

Looked down the floor, "Yes."

"...", stares up the sky.

Sits on the floor, "Honestly...", staring at the floor, "nagising ako ng isang umagang may kulang sa sarili ko. Tagal ko ko ring nakatulala't iniisip ko kung ano nga ba yung bagay na yun na kulang sakin. Narealized ko na lang isang araw, habang inaayos ko yung mga gamit ko, na hindi ko na kilala kung sino ako. Hindi ko alam kung alin nga ba dito ang totoong ako. I felt so unreal. I felt so sad taht of all things I have to lose, I have to lose myself. Then, I started to think kung san ako magsisimulang maghanap. Where would I start looking for myself. Everytime I remember that I don't even know where to start looking, I tremble in fear. Fear na hindi ko na mahanap ang sarili ko."

"..."

"At some point, I'm thankful to have seen you here, randomly", smiles with tears forming in her eyes, "you made me realise who I was. I could start from there. Maybe eventually, I could find my true self."

"And when you do, you are to treat me with a luxurious meal."

"Areyou planning to get me broke? For so you know, I'm jobless."

"For hell I care. Gumawa ka ng paraan.", smiles, "Well, gotta go, see ya!"

"Bye... and thank you..."

He waved his hand while walking further away.

"That stupid guy." she thought.

Suddenly...

*beep beep*

"Text? Now who could be texting me?"

She was shocked to receive a text message from him, her best friend, we just just talking with him a while ago.

"Sweatheart, this is your Tita. My son, he just died of a car accident."

As she goes on reading, she was shocked and rushed to their house. As she suddenly barged in, she saw his mother, crying in the living room.

His mother approched her and said crying, "He just arrivedfrom the airport and was on his way to your house to surprize you that he's back. But the taxi he was riding hit a bus. He was rushed to the hospitalbut he died before he even arrived. I just got a call from the hospital when I text you."

His mother's voice is slowly fading. Until she can no longer hear anything. She just stared at the woman in front of her in shock. It's as if her world stopped. Her body became numbed. And her strength were drained away from her as if some force is sucking it up. Not a teardrop fell from her eyes. Even until the burial was over, she remained in shock and still, not crying.

His mother felt pity on her and embraced her tight. Softly, she said, "Sweatheart, it's okay to cry..."

Tuesday, August 15, 2006

Surreal

I stumbled upon a blog. I read the latest entry. And I felt numb for a moment. The words repeated to my mind like echo, urging me to read the rest of it. Amusingly, before I could even tell myself that, I'm already reading.



I don't wanna try to fight this love...


I know I didn't have any right to judge this certain being who is only deprived of happiness. But honestly, in my opinion, the moment you accepted the fact that you are loving, you couldn't deny the fact that you have to sacrifice one way or another and feel pain. You can never divide happiniess and pain with the exactly same amount. Same as like love is never really equal where the other loves another more that the other.



I felt even more intrigue and read the rest of the entires. Honestly, he sounds surreal. I only knew a few people who thinks like that. And most of them, they end up being left behind by the one's they love. I hated them. I hated people like that. As much as I hated my self being like that.



I know, I talked as if know... I know, because I myself am surreal.

The Final

Finally, after coding it for days. The Final, A J-rock blog crew, is finally done.



The Final is the very first Jrock blog crew in the Internet. This blog crew was originally owned by Sappire. Because of her busy life, and some members dying, (she told me they actually died) she decided to shut it down and I happen to get her permission for the adoption. We exchanged e-mails for sometime and she agreed that I adopt it. The official adoption was made just last August 4th 2006 and started working on the backend coding for it that same day. Now it's done, so please join!

Friday, August 11, 2006

Panahon ng Thesis

Note: I have no intentions of whatsoever na isiwalat kung sinu-sino man ang mga taong tinutukoy ko sa entry na to. I also posted it here on LJ plus friends only, because Dean is reading my blog (she even comments) and I don't want her constantly asking me who these students are. Because of my being defensive, yes, they are students from my school.

Panahon na naman ng Thesis. Mabibigla ka na may nagtetext at tumatawag sa cellphone ko, tinatanong ang address ng bahay namin, para lang "magpatulong" sa mga thesis nila. Sa totoo lang, wala akong balak "tumulong" o sa ibang linguaheng alam ko, wala akong balak gawin ang thesis mo. At wala akong paki kahit bumagsak ka pa. Hindi na rin ako maawa sa magulang mo kahit magmakaawa pa sila at lumuhod sa harap ko. Wala rin akong paki kung sino ka man, kahit anak ka pa ni Mayor, pamangkin ni Gov, apo ni Senator. Una sa lahat, resulta yan ng pagiging iresponsable mo na hindi pumasok at magbulakbol pa. Wala kang natututunan sa eskwela? College isn't about spoon feeding. Anong feeling mo, nasa elementary ka na pati coloring materials na gagamitin mo, teacher mo pa ang nag pro-provide? Pangalawa, hindi lahat ng tao, mabibili mo sa pera mo. Alam mo kasi, mataas ang pride ko. Hindi ko naging ugaling nagpapabayad sa kahit anumang tulong na gagawin ko. Kahit nagpapaplibre, mas gusto kong akong nagbabayad. Ikatlo, thesis nga ng utol ko, hindi ko pinapakialaman, plus, tinutulugan ko, para hindi ako kulitin, ikaw pa kaya? Ikaapat, at mahaba to, may ugali akong demonyong mas gusto kong makita kang umiiyak katapos ng defense at ipaalam sa mga kaklase mo, kaibigan, magulang at kamag-anak na bumagsak ka. Para naman madama mo ang buhay estudyante. Sinabi mo pa, gustung-gusto kong makita kang halos pumutok na ang utak sa kaiisip kung pano mo gagamitin ang for loop statement diyan sa system mo na sa totoo lang, kung ginagamit mo man ang utak mo, pwede namang if-else statement na lang. Gugustuhin ko pa lalong makitang dumudugo ang ilong mo sa harap ng mga panelist dahil hindi mo masagot ang simpleng tanong na, "How did this result came to be?" Sige lang, lumipat ka ng ibang programmer. Magpagawa ka sa iba. Care ko. Tutal, mayaman naman si papa eh. Kayang kaya ka niyang buhayin, pag-aralin ng ulit-ulit. Ilang taon ka na kasi sa college? At, proud ka pa ha. Naunahan ka namin. Graduate na kami, nag-aaral ka pa. Minsan, hindi ko alam kung hindi mo talaga kaya o sadyang walang hiya ka lang at may mukha ka pang iharap sa mga tao. Natatakot tuloy ako sa magiging resulta ng transcript mo. Ilang pages kaya yan na puro 5.00?

In my opinion, sometimes we need to stop relying on people and stand on our own feet. I'm regretting the fact that I didn't accept them because I'm currently broke, jobless and I needed money. But I'm not regretting it because I'm seeing them try hard to make something out of nothing. :)

Wednesday, August 9, 2006

Reflection

It was raining. I peeked up to the dark sky though the window blinds. I closed my eyes, and finally raised it up and relaxed myself. With empty thoughts, staring to nothingness, I was suddenly stunned. I saw a girl on the window. The girl that the dripping raindrops from my window made. I stared at her. Suddenly, I started to feel pity for her. So helpless, so weak, so broken. I stared through her eyes that seemed so empty. Those eyes that asked me, where is the real me?

Friday, August 4, 2006

Blogger Code

I came upon this Blogger Code generator earlier and I thought it was interesting and would like to share it to you guys.

My Blogger's Code is:
B8 d++ t+ k s+ u- f i o++ x-- e l c--

You can use this Blogger Decoder to see what it says. :D

Thursday, August 3, 2006

Incompentent

This is stupid. Kung wala ka rin lang tiwala sakin at sa ginagawa ko, why the heck did you hire me in the first place? Puro na lang si [insert name here]. When I resigned, you ask him to finished my work. I already told you 3 weeks before, tapos na yun all I am waiting for are the requirements you fail to give me, now you blame me? Bullshit. I did everything I could. All that I am capable of without complaints. I get insults from you everyday, you never belived a word I say. You never even hear what I have to say. You are happy when you see me accomplish the preposterous work you wanted me to. I meet your every impossible demands and deadlines without complains. I work even when I get home. Now you are trating me like I am incompentent. Geez. Get a grip. I'm tired of all this bullshit.

Wednesday, August 2, 2006

Crossways: A Hecate Fnalisting

My Crossways: A Hecate Fanlisting, is finally up and running smoothly. :) Please join!



Who is Hecate?

Hecate or Hekate is the goddess of the night, darkness, cross-roads and magik or sorcery. She is the daughter of the Titan Perses and of Asteria and the mother of Scylla. She is called Agriope or "savage face".

Tuesday, July 4, 2006

WTF Happened to Tabulas?!

What the fuck happened to Tabulas?! I can't post a comment. It seems that the comments.php or whatever it is, is missing. Maybe it was deleted on purpose, maybe by accident. Maybe renamed, maybe not. Whatever the reason is, I hope it'll be fixed soon.

I'll remove this post when it's back. ;)

Monday, June 26, 2006

To a Certain Christian

This is getting on my nerves and I don't want to leave it alone as well.

To you! You know who you are! Shut up and read. What do you care if I do not believe in God? For so you know, I do not even believe there exists one! You can flame me all you want, rage me. I'll take it. But never mock me for it. Those flame e-mails are always the priority in my mailbox. I always read them first because they honestly make my day. I read them when I'm stressed out, I read them when I am not in a good mood. Because they always leave me with a smile.

Don't you dare educate me about God and tell me I am close-minded. What do you know about your God? You don't even know your bible. You dont read it. You don't even pray. You pray only when you need him. What do you think of you God? An operator - that will answer your ever call? Your nanny - that would reach everything to you? Your house helper - that you call and ask for anything whenever you need something? You guidance councilor - that you would go into whenever you need someone? If I would be you God, I would not feel sad but rather, I would pity you. At least, even though I am an atheist, I read the bible, every other day. I just don't pray.

Isn't it more painful that you have to hear this from an Atheist? And, a proud one at that.

You hypocrite! First take the log out of your own eye, and then you will be able to see clearly to take the speck out of your brothers eye. (Mat 7:5)


Oh, hell is such as sweet place and I even belong to the 5th level. Come with me? ;)

Saturday, June 24, 2006

To Be or Not to Be

See? I am right, you choose to listen to things you just want to hear. When someone starts to criticize you or someone has a new point of view that they wanted to let you see, even though it's right. You shut them out. You only listedn to people who could go and flow with your thoughts.


And some people have the nerve to tell me this. What do they know of me? Nothing. I shut them out did I? No, I don't shut them out. I only bring them back to their own statements to make them realize that they are doing the things they are raging and flaming me about. And dare they beg to differ when they crave to hard to belong?


It's to be or not to be. It's either you take the left cheek or the right cheek. The black or the white. Now, on which side are you? Stop pretending. You are not in living in a fairytale nor a dream. Sometimes, we got to wake up, one in a while.

Friday, June 23, 2006

Lost Pride

Weeks before, I promised myself not to ask forgiveness for something I never did, even in thoughts. At least, not anymore. But just this night, this very minute, I took all those words again. I am swallowing my pride again. I am saying sorry again.

At times I feel stupid doing this over and over, but I couln't blame myself one way or another. His pride is too high. If I keep mine up as high as his, we might end up losing each other again this time. And I do not want that to happen. As much as it is possible, I wanted to keep this love alive and healthy. It's not that I am the only one entirely carrying all this relationship. It's just that when it comes to fights that includes pride, it's either I would make the amendment or no one will. Nothing else will happen if I didn't make the first step.

Tell me, am I real?

Tuesday, June 6, 2006

Mula ng Umalis Siya

Mula ng umalis siya, puro pangalan na lang niya maririnig mo. Bukang bibig nila puro siya. Alam mo kasi, magaling siya eh. Both academically and logically. Matalino, organized, matiyaga, friendly, role model. Wala ka talagang masabi. Evertime na nabbangit ang pangalan niya, sabay dighay at tingin sakin ang lahat na tila ba at the back of their mind, they imply that I am not worth even a pinch of what he is, what he does, and what he did for them and the company. Sa madaling sabi, wala akong pakinabang. Sabagay, meron nga ba?

Nung minsang nagkaroon ng meeting, sa kalagitnaan ng meeting, biglang sumulpot yung mga salitang, "Kung hindi na rin lang katulad niya o mas magaling pa sa kanya, wag na lang." Nakita ko yung sinseridad mga mga katagang yun. It made me realize one painful truth that I was hinding from for so long. Na para sa kanila, I wasn't worth anything here. Totally nothing.

Eto naman kasi ang point ko eh. Siya, for so you know, ay isang summa cumlaude. Yes. The summa cumlaude who's grades must not be lower than 2.00 and who's average must fall between 1.00 to 1.75. In short, ass kicking brainy na umaapaw na ang grades. Isipin mo na lang ha, kung isa kang magna cumlaude, naturally, mas maraming offers from different companies, hindi lang basta companies ang usapan dito, big companies pa ang babagsak sa doorstep mo. Sa ganun karaming offers, would you rather stick to the same company out of "friendly sila eh" reasoning or would you move to another company with a bigger offer or better yet, doubled offer? Naturally, your answer would be, "I'm moving."

Saturday, June 3, 2006

Buti Pa Si...

"Buti pa anak ni [insert name here], matalino."
"Buti pa si [insert name here] swerte. May anak na mabait."
"Yung anak ni [insert name here]. Napakamasunurin, masipag, [and all other adjectives!]. Hindi katulad mo."

Trust is the one thing I wanted from you the most that I never got. Para sayo, wala akong kwenta. Wala akong silbi. Even when I was still young, I couldn't remember anything you did trust me with.

Wa effect din yung pagrerebelde, alam mo ba? So I just left you alone. I want you to do the same. Leave me alone.

Monday, May 1, 2006

Fanlistings

These are some of the things that rocks my world. Note: Fanlistings are arranged in alphabetical order by their original title. Manga and anime series and characters uses their original Japanese titles in Romanji (Latin Alphabet) form.

Anime/Manga

Series/OVA


Bishonen


Bishojou


Group


Mangaka


Others


Game

PC: Offline/Online


Playstation


Characters


Others


Literature

Novels


Characters


Authors


Others


Movies


TV Series


Music

Artists


Bands/Groups


Songs


Others


Digital

Consoles


Softwares


Web


Food and Drinks


Miscellaneous

Fashion


Fetish and Hobbies


Historical


Mythology, Religion and Legends


Nature


Artists/Webmasters/Friends

 

Contact Form

Name

Email *

Message *

Etc